DOC WILL DIDN’T SLEEP at all that night following his discussions with Lanon. It had been many years since something had so disturbed him. Not that he, himself, was leery of the subjects of death and dying, no, but that someone had encouraged his own theories along these lines.

It had been very difficult for him when Sarah died. It was called an accident, but he never believed that. As a scientist he accepted their verdict, but as a sensitive and feeling human being, he reflected deeply and asked himself such questions as 'Why?'

Sarah's faith had been simple and traditional. His was not. His beliefs were derived from questioning and testing and experimenting, and for poignant moments, he sought answers. Not necessarily reasons -- he didn't expect to understand all the reasons -- but some kind of an answer that he could live with, that helped make sense out of life.

It was, originally, improbable that he would ever find a woman, a wife, at all. He had dedicated his life to the Science of Mind years before he met Sarah and he had no reason to need a wife. If he had not met Sarah, had not come to deeply love her and marry her, she would not have been on that scaffolding that day and she would not have had that fatal accident. Yet, he could not deny how he had benefitted from the experience of knowing her and loving her.

From that unlikely union they had produced Audley. At their ages! Audley was not an accident. They wanted a child, and look at what he had been able to experience and contribute to his field as a result of bringing up the girl. Look now at what she was contributing! It was not an accident, he knew, that she had brought Lanon Zenton to his house. Doc Will didn't believe in accidents.

Sarah's death was not an accident. He couldn't, didn't and wouldn't allow himself to think that way. But if she had to die, if it were necessary for her to cease, if it were necessary for her to not be here anymore, it would have been so much simpler, so much more dignified, if the Powers-That-Be had simply taken her without all the mess and distortion of the 'accident'.

The odd thing was that Sarah seemed to know she was going to be leaving this world. She had said as much to Wilhelm only days before it happened. Whatever it was that she said, and he couldn't remember the exact words, it had startled him and he could see that it rather startled her, too, when she said it. As if something in her knew she would be leaving and was preparing to go, and she was telling him so that he could be prepared to let her go.

It would have been so much easier if she had just said, "Well, I'm off!" Instead, there had been a tragedy. There was much screaming and wailing and calling of ambulances and medical attention and expense and trauma. There were guilts to be dealt with and worked through. There were regrets and depression, anger and resentments, and the dark hole of grief that threatened to consume him.

Then followed the public reaction, the newspapers, the funeral, the mourning, the sympathy. The sympathy! It was worst of all, for it fed the sense of loss, of helplessness.

If it could have been clean, if she could have just said, "It's time for me to go," and left, with no one making a fuss, if it were expected to be a natural part of living, the leave-taking, rather than the infernal negative approach running rampant on this planet, it would have been so much easier.

Yes, Lanon had struck a very sensitive nerve. He had a damned good point. Dr. Blackstone had a room full of notes on the subject of death, on the stages of death and dying. The existing theories were ‘primitive!’ Why should anyone have to go through those phases at all? How could one be expected to calmly approach anger, denial, depression and acceptance? Like Lanon said, death wasn't necessary! It distorted all of life, ending all human experience with a negative.

The entire world would have to be re-programmed. Death was not and had seldom ever been handled right. What did one do, then? Send the human race to Alaska to see how the Eskimos did it? They knew when their time was up. They invited all their friends and family in to say good-bye, they put their affairs in order and they left! God, that was clean. They knew how it should be done. Goddammed civilized society had to put on the garb of mourning and the fear of God and the expense of the damned.

What did Lanon call it? Prefer to call it? Home Transport. That was a good one. It had a positive ring to it.

Doc Will didn't believe in accidents. Things happen for a reason and Lanon Zenton was in his laboratory talking about death for a reason. Audley was up to her neck in this for a reason. He might not know the reasons but he would, by God, find an answer.